Parenting the Disciples
The first in a series of articles on disciplining and discipling our children

iscipline, what a word. It can mean many different things to us. To some the word strikes terror in the heart and solicits pictures of abuse and overbearing strictness. To others it simply means an option one might choose in parenting. Whatever it means the Bible obviously speaks of discipline as the key to parenting.

"Discipline your son in his early years while there is hope. If you don't you will ruin his life." (Prov 19:18, TLB).

Like many of you, I have often wondered why the Bible doesn't have a parenting section. Discovering 'the how to do this and how to do that' in the Bible isn't spelled out in seventeen steps found in the child rearing section. The Bible is the book God intended to guide our lives but He put it together in such a way that we must learn to dig for its principles. Parenting is a part of life and requires much more than ten easy steps. I wish it was that easy. The Bible shapes our entire experience and it is from that experience that we become godly or ungodly in our approach to parenting.

We can find some specifics, such as physical punishment (Prov. 13:24, 22:15), teaching the word to our kids (Duet. 6:7, Ps. 132:12), but even then how we go about it isn't spelled out. Let's not forget that the Bible speaks to the whole. Parenting isn't something that we do apart from our Christianity. When we discipline it should be motivated by Christian love done as a response to our conscience and the Holy Spirit's leading in our life. I knew a teacher once who wanted to teach in a Christian school because he liked our environment and wanted a job. He was committed to always maintaining the Christian viewpoint in his approach and would try to include God in his lessons, yet he did not wholeheartedly believe in them himself. His life did not reflect a Christian testimony, nor was he willing to change his behavior. Needless to say he did not make it long in the school. In the same respect one cannot parent their children into a godly life by just applying certain principles. We must follow the whole. Making disciples means reproducing ourselves in our children.

You may never have thought of parenting this way but to discipline is to make a disciple. A disciple is one who is trained and corrected by a discipler, or one who applies discipline. The measure of true parenting is gauged by how faithful the disciples are to our training. When it comes to discipline we can learn much from the example of Jesus himself. Here was a man with a larger mission in life, yet throughout the accomplishment of that mission he was teaching, training and correcting his disciples. As we go through life's experience and fulfill our divine mission here on earth we are called to take these little ones through it with us all the while teaching, training and correcting.

A parent asked me once if I would disciple their child. I offered my help in both teaching and counseling, but I could only do so much. They are the key people to bring discipleship into their child's life. The church or the school does not have the ultimate responsibility to bring discipline, it must come first and foremost from the home.

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."

(Prov 22:6, NIV). I must admit that I have struggled with this verse from time to time. Not that I don't want to apply it in my own approach to parenting. On the contrary, from my first experience as a parent I have been mindful of this principle. My struggle comes when I meet parents and families that have wayward children. I want to console and take away the guilty feelings. I avoid terms such as "failure" and "fault." I often emphasize the role of the child's free will in their choices.

The fact of the matter is what we do as parents has a direct effect on how our children will turn out! How often have you looked back on your upbringing to find the reasons of why you are what you are today? Not too long ago I had this unique revelation. As I was in deep retrospection about why I struggle with this and with that, thinking of how my dad did this and did that, it occurred to me, in twenty years my children will be just as retrospective about me and what I did to them. Now there's a unique twist of fate.

I have been a children's and youth pastor now for seventeen years. I have observed hundreds of children and families. Frankly, I have had very few surprises when it comes to predicting how the children will turn out. It is not the child's present behavior or problems that tell the story. It is how the parents disciple them through it which is the real indicator.

Proverbs 22:6 is true. How you train your child will determine how they turn out. They will take on your values, your strengths and your faults. They will probably even vote the way you vote. This process begins before they are even conceived. Certain patterns are set in our lives that will determine how we even think about children. I don't want to sound fatalistic, yet if we do not conscientiously break with and change those patterns then we are destined to make the same mistakes over and over again.

What about our parenting mistakes? Can God change those? Absolutely, God can do anything and we should never let go of our children before the presence of the Lord. If our children are still under our care then we can change and then help them to change. Don't think it will be easy, in fact the longer we put off our changes the harder and more set in their ways the child will be. Think about how hard it is for you to change as an adult. The old saying, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks," has some validity. Except for the grace of Almighty God this would be true. I saw a bumper sticker that said, "Hire a teenager while they still know everything." It's a lot easier to imprint your values when they are little.

With the help of God and his word we can change those areas of and incorrect thinking so that we can make those disciples Jesus talked about. Parenting is just that, it is making disciples of yourselves.

In the newsletters to come I want to share some of my thoughts about how to approach this process of discipline and discipleship in the various stages of your children's lives. I'm not an expert nor am I finished with my responsibility as a parent. Hopefully together we can learn from the word of God.

Pastor Greg Bitgood

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